man is fighting his shadow


“Fear is your best friend or your worst enemy. It’s like fire. If YOU can control it, it can cook for YOU; it can heat your house. If YOU can’t control it, it will burn everything around YOU and destroy YOU”. - Mike Tyson

Fear has been useful to save humankind for millions of years.

But nowadays the same adaptive behavior which helped our ancestors to identify threats and survive is turning out to be our worst enemy!

It can STOP YOU from chasing your DREAMS, from living a life on your own terms.

Every time YOU feel scared of something, your brain reacts with its FIGHT OR FLIGHT response.

And physical changes occur to provide YOU with a burst of energy and strength.

This kind of response made sense back in the history of human beings when running the risk to be eaten by wild animals and when real life-threatening events were common.

Would YOU agree with me that in today’s life we don’t need to worry about life-threatening occurrences anymore?

We don’t live in a world where there are threats that can literally kill us…

unless YOU live in war-torn countries etc…

but I doubt it is your situation otherwise YOU wouldn’t be reading this post.

Circumstances, where fighting or running away are the best solutions in today’s life, are rare.

Yet, this is the most common response triggered in our daily routines.

That’s the rub because anytime the FIGHT-FLIGHT response goes off YOU are on an ALERT STATE.

emergency alarm

Your body is left full of hormones and chemicals that would have been used during a real life-threatening event.

What happens is that those hormones and chemicals are likely to be stored in the lining of the blood vessel.

What’s wrong with it is that your blood pressure skyrockets, making your heart work harder and harder to pump blood throughout your body.

This can cause a heart attack if YOU have been experiencing the ALERT STATE for a prolonged period of time. 

Can YOU see how dangerous it is?

physical signs of a fight-flight response

Is it worth getting distressed and even risking your life for FEARS that are not REAL?

Yes, YOU have read correctly, most of the FEARS YOU live with are ILLUSIONS, they DON’T EXIST.

We are born with only 2 INNATE FEARS.

We are hardwired with the FEAR OF FALLING DOWN and with the fear of LOUD NOISE.

But this urges another question:

Why do we have so many more FEARS that distress our life day in and day out?

We have learned them because of the influence of our environment, culture, and society, so they are IRRATIONAL FEARS.

As a result, we are held back from living the life that we want due to something that has no grounds.

The ONLY FEAR that can paralyze us should be the FEAR of an UNLIVED LIFE!

What scares YOU most?

  • the fear of NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH?
  • the fear of FAILURE?

It doesn’t matter which of them is the FEAR that’s holding YOU back.

What matters is that…

WHATEVER is STOPPING YOU from living at your highest potential is a freaking irrational ILLUSION.

the shadow of a big and scary mans ab out to grab a man

YOU can decide TODAY to STOP being a SLAVE of everything that frightens YOU and START being fully alive, i.e. in full control of your life.

YOU don’t need to let your FEARS dictate your choices and actions anymore.


1) YOU MUST be AWARE of the FEAR that’s holding YOU back.

YOU MUST distinguish between 2 types:

  • PRIMAL FEARS, are real and occur when YOU are actually running the risk of dying,
  • IRRATIONAL FEARS, are fake and occur any time YOU run the risk of hurting your ego, e.g. when YOU can be judged or rejected or embarrassed, etc...

 So the first thing YOU MUST do whenever YOU feel scared to do something is to ask yourself:

Am I going to DIE?

If YOU aren’t, it means YOU are experiencing an IRRATIONAL FEAR, that YOU have built within your MIND.

By becoming AWARE that what YOU are dealing with is an IRRATIONAL FEAR YOU are more likely to see this ILLUSION for what it actually is and have the courage to take action.  

2) YOU MUST CONSTRAIN the power of what’s holding YOU back by assigning a RIDICULOUS name to it.

How could YOU be scared by something LAUGHABLE?

Let’s imagine YOU call your fears "SPOOKY" for instance.

And let’s have a look at some examples…

  • I have the SPOOKY that I might be rejected by Claire if I ask her out…
  • I have the SPOOKY to let my parents down if I start my own business...
  • I have the SPOOKY that I might fail…


It all boils down to PLAYING WITH YOUR MIND!

Either YOU control it or it controls YOU.

What YOU are doing is proving to yourself how ridiculous holding on to these IRRATIONAL FEARS. (the SPOOKIES) actually is.

Remember that your MIND doesn’t care if YOU chase your DREAMS and YOU achieve your GOALS.

What the MIND only cares about is that YOU MUST SURVIVE!

The problem is that nowadays without real life-threatening circumstances the PRICE of surviving is too high.

Most people give up their DREAMS because of the SPOOKIES.

YOU MUST realize how SILLY it is to carry on being held back from the fulfilling life that YOU want …



Remember that what YOU FOCUS your attention on EXPANDS.

Where attention goes, energy flows.

If YOU FOCUS on your IRRATIONAL FEARS and on the DISTRESSING FEELINGS that come with them all YOU do is strengthening them.

YOU MUST FOCUS your attention on WHAT YOU are going to LOSE if YOU don’t take action.

This will make YOU more afraid of WHAT YOU are going to LOSE than the SPOOKY.

Ask yourself the following questions anytime YOU feel paralyzed by the SPOOKY

  • What am I going to miss out on in my life if I allow the “SPOOKY” to stop me?
  • What are the people I love going to miss out on in their lives if I allow the SPOOKY to stop me?

Let me ask YOU,

What are YOU LOSING right now because of your IRRATIONAL FEARS?

Is it the  SUCCESSFUL CAREER YOU have been dreaming about since YOU were a child or MORE FLEXIBILITY to do WHAT YOU LOVE doing?

or maybe…

Is it the FREEDOM to TRAVEL the world WITHOUT EVER HAVING to trade with your boss your two weeks entitled holiday? etc…

I cannot stress it enough…

YOU MUST play with your MIND otherwise it will PLAY with your life.

By shifting your attention from the SPOOKY to WHAT YOU are going to miss out on in your life YOU will RE-CONDITION your mind.

YOU will feel AFRAID of what your life is going to look like if YOU don't follow through.

YOU will realise that your life will be worse if YOU don't start acting than if YOU do.

Expect that the reconditioning process is going to take time.

After all, YOU have been paralyzed by your SPOOKY for quite a long time, haven’t YOU?

YOU have conditioned yourself to not take action anytime YOU have felt SCARED just like Pavlov’s dog.

The dog was conditioned to salivate anytime a bell was rung; likewise, YOU have trained yourself to not take action anytime YOU felt the SPOOKIES.

YOU MUST become AWARE that the only way to reprogram your mind is to face the SPOOKY over and over again till YOU will definitely release it.

I can assure YOU from personal experience that once YOU release an IRRATIONAL FEAR YOU feel like a prisoner that has finally got his FREEDOM.

YOU cannot be FREE until your SPOOKY dictates your choices!


5)PLAY” with your mind by speaking to yourself in the PAST TENSE about the SPOOKY YOU want to get rid of. 

For example:

  • I used to feel afraid and anxious any time I had the SPOOKY that someone might judge me…
  • I had the “SPOOKY” of not living up to my parents’ expectations…

By doing this “GAME” YOU will trick your mind, and the more YOU do it the more your mind will perceive your IRRATIONAL FEARS like something that belongs to the PAST!

6) VISUALISE yourself while YOU are tackling your “SPOOKY” and feel the emotions that come from being the WINNER.


Now it’s time to PUT INTO PRACTICE what YOU have read.

It’s up to YOU either to allow your IRRATIONAL FEARS to stop YOU or use them to feed your motivation and live a meaningful life.

Take control of your life, go out there, and tame your FEARS.

As Franklin D. Roosevelt said during his inauguration as the 32nd President of the United States, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself”. - Franklin D. Roosevelt

Christian Caliendo
Christian Caliendo

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