kitten reflecting in the window like a lion


Most people have an identity that doesn’t line up with the future they desire.

And if you have such an identity, you'll never create the future you are craving for, that’s for sure!

“Identity is this incredible invisible force that controls your whole life. It’s invisible, like gravity is invisible, but it controls your whole life”. - Tony Robbins

The only way to create your best possible future is to first change your identity.


By changing the story you tell yourself over and over again.

Do you know the recording in your mind that continuously broadcasts the following message to YOU:

“I am not good enough, I cannot do that, I am unlucky, I am poor, I am resourceless, etc”?

It’s not unfamiliar, is it?

Well, the first step to change your life is to become aware of the disempowering dialogue you have with yourself.

You must become aware of the thoughts that you hold in your mind most of the time because they become part of your subconscious.

The subconscious mind really creates your own reality, in other words, the results you are getting.  

Remember: Life is a by-product of what we hold in our minds.

The next step is to replace the thoughts that don’t serve you with new empowering ones.

Your identity dictates the future you are going to have, so investing time nurturing and building a new empowering identity is worth the effort and the time.

It’s as simple as that!

Change the story, the inner dialogue that goes on and on in your mind, and your identity will change; so will your actions as well as your outcomes.

Why is this change of paramount importance?

Because your life and the results you get out of it are always aligned with the identity you have.

So let me stress it once more, your life doesn’t change if you don’t change your identity!

The more you get results that line up with your identity the more you reinforce it, whether it is an empowering or a disempowering one.

Let’s have a look at a few examples to make things clearer.

Let’s say that you tell yourself you are overweight and you believe that this is just the way you are because you come from a family where the average person is obese and so there’s no chance for you to get in shape.

What are the most likely actions you could ever take if you believe you are doomed?

Be honest with yourself! 

Would you start working out every day or would you keep lying on the couch? Would you start eating salads or would you keep eating pasta?

You would keep lying on the couch and eating pasta, wouldn’t you?

What kind of result is therefore going to come about?

obese man on the couch

You will keep being overweight and this will confirm and reinforce your identity and your primary belief, that this, “I am overweight and I cannot change”.

Can you see how dangerous this pattern is?

What if your identity was the one of a person who believes they can become fit and feel amazing?

Chances are you would take empowering actions, such as working out regularly, eating healthy food daily, which would lead you to lose weight and feel good about yourself.

This in turn would make your identity, primary belief, and self-confidence stronger.

You see, just a shift of identity brings about completely different results.

image of a woman before and after diet

Let’s look at another example; have you ever met someone who defines themselves as poor, in other words, someone who says to themselves “I am poor, I have just the bare minimum, etc"?

If you pay attention to them you’ll notice that they act like a poor person.

image of a man complaining about how poor he is

They are not willing to do the hard work, they don’t try to learn new skills that eventually enable them to increase their income, they don’t save money, they blame their misfortune on someone else or external circumstances.

In a nutshell, if their identity is “I am poor”, they are always going to be poor.

It all comes down to our inner world, our inner dialogue, the story we tell ourselves daily.

If you want to witness different results in the outside world, you must first be willing to change something on the inside.

You don’t get what you want; in fact, you get what you are!

If you believe you are poor you’ll be, if you believe you are unlucky you’ll be.

“External conditions mirror internal conditions, so straightening your room settles internal disorder”

affirms authors Charlene Belitz and Meg Lundstrom in, The Power of Flow: Practical Ways to Transform Your Life with Meaningful Coincidence.

So, let’s use the results we get as feedback to get a cleaner shot and strike the life we long for.

Personal development becomes the vehicle towards solid and lasting change, provided you are prepared to do the inner work. 

Obstacles become our path.

The journey itself shows and teaches you all you need to know.

Believe in yourself, because you are the master of your fate, no one else is.

Learn from the outworld - the results you get - because it shows you where you are supposed to work internally. 

We shape the world around us as a result of conscious and unconscious thoughts. 

Our own reality is nothing more than a mirror reflecting our inner world.

kiddle reflecting in the puddle like a tiger

No matter what outcomes you’re experiencing, they are just the reflection of your internal landscape.

Therefore, if we entertain distorted thoughts, we’d better replace them. 

If we don’t, they are likely to lead us down the rabbit hole of despair. 

The choice is always in our hands.

Take a moment to think about all the areas of your life - health, finances, career, friends, family, intimate relationships - and ask yourself:

“Am I experiencing the results I want to be experiencing?”

Is it a F*CK YES or a F*CK NO?

Is my current identity serving me at the highest level?

We’re either getting the results we want or we’re not.

Ultimately to change the reflection, we have to take ownership of the picture of us that it’s revealing.

Let’s work from the outside to the inside!

If the results we are getting don’t satisfy us, let’s use them as feedback to adjust our inner world so that our life will mirror it.

If your current life is not up to your expectations it is fine because you can still change it; what is unacceptable is to keep on with it, without taking action to transform it.  

Bottom line: It all boils down to observing what the outer world is reflecting on us and using that information to create the changes that will lead to the reflection we would rather see. 

chess pawn reflecting in the mirror

Let your mind be blown away by the following enlightening story.


All the employees of a big Corporate got to the headquarters as usual, but this time a paper was hanging on the front door.

It read: “Yesterday the person who has been hindering your growth in this company passed away. 

We invite you to join the funeral, so the cause of your missed progress will be revealed to YOU”.

All the employees were sad about the death of one of their colleagues, but above all, they were intrigued to know the identity of the person who had hindered their growth.

The excitement to find out about that person was so big that security agents were instructed to control the crowd that was reaching the room where the body was. 

The more people got closer to the coffin, the more the excitement piled up. 

Everyone thought to themselves: “Who will ever be this person who was hindering my progress? Well, at least it is dead! My growth will no longer be stopped”. 

One by one the thrilled employees got closer to the coffin, and when they looked inside they suddenly became speechless. 

They stood nearby the coffin, shocked and in silence as if someone had touched the deepest part of their soul.

There was a mirror inside the coffin; everyone who looked inside it could see themselves.

There was also some writing next to the mirror; it read: “There is only one person who is capable of setting limits to your growth: it is YOU.”

There is only one person who is capable of setting limits to your growth: it is YOU


You are the only person who can transform your life.

You are the only person who can influence your happiness, your realization, and your success. 

You are the only person who can help yourself. 

Your life does not change when your boss changes when your friends change when your partner changes when your company changes. 

Your life changes when YOU change, when you go beyond your limiting beliefs when you realize that you are the only one responsible for your life.

The most important relationship you can ever have is the one you have with yourself.

The world out there is just a mirror of your inner world; what is it reflecting you?

Are you happy with the reflection you are seeing or is it high time you started working on yourself?

I am pretty sure you’ll hit your life out of the park if you take the time to invest in YOURSELF!

More resources for YOU:

Christian Caliendo
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  1. Amazing post Christian and what a fantastic inspiring story.
    Just before I read this post I was starting to feel little nervous as my demo is approaching.
    The “what if’s “ and an overwhelming feeling came over me of not being good enough or worse still , identifying as someone/ something and not living up to that.
    I do believe in myself and god I have worked so hard, and I know I can do this and little panic and anxiousness just got the better of me.

    This post was a great reminder of not only of what we identify ourselves as but what we tell ourselves and how like the wonderful story , we can hinder our own growth by our own sabotaging self talk.
    Thank you Christian , inspiring and powerful

    1. I am glad you have found the post, as well as the story inspirational. I am very satisfied with reading that through this post I reminded you how important the identity we associate with and the narrative we tell ourselves day in, day out are.

      It’s really easy to self-sabotage. As a result, our personal growth is hindered. What prevents us from living life to the fullest is us.

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